Are Men really from Mars, and what has Venus got to do with it?
It is true, men and women do deal with issues differently. For a start, how many men have actually read the book? My guess is a lot less than women! Men are more logical thinkers, who seek out practical solutions to problems, whereas women are generally more emotional, seeking discussion to find a resolution. It should be noted that women don’t always want to be given a practical solution, just talking is often enough, but men can find this confusing, tedious and hard work! Women do or will have more emotional times in their lives due to their biology and hormones through periods, pregnancy, menopause etc. Historically women are family makers, in tune with others.
It seems that there are actually some fundamental differences between male and female brains, for example research suggests that the hippocampus is larger in the male brain, which is associated with memory. You may have seen many times jokes about men being unable to multi-task, and women are renowned for this. This also appears to be down to the differences between the male and female brain. Although there are differences, it should not be forgotten that society and learnt behaviour plays a massive part in the differences. From a young age, boys to men are shown masculine images, and are taught to be ‘tough’. To be ‘in touch with your emotions’ can be seen as being a more feminine trait, and possibly interpreted as being weak. Generally it can be much more difficult for a man to sit down and talk about how they feel. Men can feel uncomfortable in these situations, feeling embarrassed, shame, inadequacy and discomfort when exposing how they truly feel.
Emotions For Men Are Too Distressing?
Men sometimes feel talking about their emotions too distressing, and it is easier to ignore. Sometimes talking about emotions can seem pointless, when you just want to talk about solutions. Women are more comfortable talking, and men aren’t. The key issue here is communication, whether you are in a single sex relationship, long-term relationship, or marriage. Communication is a practice that you need to learn, and persevere at, before you will start to find the benefits. If you are not willing to talk about your feelings, others can misunderstand your behaviour, which may introduce anger, resentment and frustration into your relationship, where it needn’t be!
However, this might be easier said than done, as one person may feel that they don’t need to talk, when the other person clearly does want to talk. It is important to respect someone else’s view. If they have clearly set out that they don’t want to talk, then it is important to respect this, even if you feel that talking is critical. If you want to challenge this, you must set out why you feel it is important for you to talk, and the benefits for you both. But don’t overstep the mark, you must hold your respect for their point of view, and give them time to consider what you have said. Don’t expect an immediate response, it can be a slow process, and you may need to seek help, counseling or coaching to move forward. It is also important, especially in long-term relationships to make the time to reconnect with the person you love, making sure you don’t drift too far apart.
What Is Acceptable?
Men and women often start off with different expectations as to what is acceptable. How long should you be allowed to stay out drinking with friends? How much quality time do you expect to spend together each week? What is OK in one culture, may not be OK in another. Cultural differences can be massive. In any relationship boundaries are imperative, as what is OK for one person, may not be OK for another. Relationship boundaries need to be agreed, it won’t work if one person sets all the ‘boundaries’, and the other person clearly ignores them. They need to be agreed, and each person needs to understand the consequences if they don’t respect those boundaries.
If you have a really healthy happy relationship with yourself it is much easier to set down boundaries that you are happy with. Knowing yourself and taking care of yourself is the first step to creating a bridge between yourself and another person, which will ultimately then create a healthy, happy relationship. Understanding who you are in a relationship, and understanding the person you are in a relationship with will bring you both closer together. In many relationships there are risk takers, and non-risk takers. Spendthrifts and savers, and those that like tidying and those that don’t. Fear often underlies most of the difficulties in relationships, fear of the unknown, fear of not understanding the other person, fear of not being heard, fear of not being respected, fear of not being acknowledged, fear of not being loved.
Men may be from Mars, and Women may be from Venus but with time, effort and energy you might be able to enjoy your time on earth more together.