Way too many relationships and marriages do not work out for a good reason. We have never been taught the key characteristics, and compatible values to seek in one another based on our logic and mutual efforts. We have been brainwashed into chasing some wishy-washy romantic fairy tales, spiced up with some chemistry. This provides a very weak foundation for a relationship that could truly work out, leaving us tired, burnt out, and losing all hope.
How did we get to this stage, I hear you asking. You might rightfully feel discouraged, questioning why we had to wait so long until recent times of growing awareness concerning our negative patterns that sabotage our relationships. You might have given up on your relationship ever working out if you have been married for decades, or surrendered to being a single person after a long time, finding better distractions than keeping dealing with difficult people.
Taking Your Time To Find Your Person
For some of us finding the right person can be faster, while others have to kiss their fair share of frogs before finding their prince or princess. What to do then? The more we realize the huge generational awareness gaps between our ancestors’ understanding of love and ways of connecting, the healthier we can connect today. We should spend enough time in plenty of situations with one another before making major life decisions.
By learning about the other person and ourselves, we can realize our true potential. What makes two people stick together is not about the happy moments spent together, but rather how they treat each other when life gets tough, and things aren’t going well. When things go badly and you separate, you can learn about the other’s character a lot, and see if they, and perhaps you too, are willing to change.
Remember, only what’s inside you can come out in any situation of adversity, and high-stress environments. Our reactions always show our state of mind, so if you are on the receiving end of continuous doubt, manipulation, hatred, gaslight, be brave to distance yourself. See if there’s room for reconciliation, or there isn’t. Sometimes, we have to spend years alone to find the level of peace we crave. We can start reconnecting with high-value individuals when we are ready.
Emotional Maturity
It takes emotional maturity not to react impulsively and to understand we have to go through a certain amount of pain to grow into our best potential. When you realize that pain is inevitable but suffering is optional, you can gain control over your suffering and minimize it. You only need to ask yourself, Do I truly believe that the best is yet to come after a breakup or any failure in life? If you train yourself to always look forward and have faith in yourself, you won’t be upset anymore.
You may even learn to smile about your hardships after many trials and errors. The sooner, the better things you may experience. Don’t forget it is not your job to tame anyone!! You should get this after having tried your best and failed your entire life… Focus on your healing; self-development is an ongoing process. Attract the right people from that healthy mindset. Whenever we want to change our surroundings, our attention needs to be directed inward.
You should arrive at a point when you can separate your emotions of hurt from your logic. Acknowledging that you are only human to feel pain and it is okay, but also understanding with your mind that it is not happening accidentally to you, but for a good reason! You can then let it go, and accept all that is happening to you. If you want to progress faster in your life, use every chance you can to get to know yourselves in your twenties!
List the Qualities You Want and Don’t Want
You should write a list of desirable and undesirable qualities in others you want to be close to as early in life as possible. Then, you have a clear picture of comparison and know when to move to the next person. The secret to decreasing our crazily high divorce rates is to wait to get married as long as we can. Meanwhile, get to know the other person deeply.
Not expecting others to make us whole, but working on ourselves enough to enter the relationship as a whole person. Not letting social pressure to get married and have kids early impact us if our partner doesn’t feel the best person for us. Be brave enough to listen to our gut feeling, move on, spend enough time alone, until we are ready to meet the person meant for us.
Divorce Rates Decrease when Getting Married Older
The older you get, the more you learn about yourself and others and understand the big picture. You don’t settle then for anything less than what makes you feel truly happy. Of course, you can meet someone great when you are younger and grow old together, but there are fewer chances for you to stay together 10-20 years later. Because people change a lot, and by then if you initially have major differences that you cannot work out with time, you can grow very far apart…
Looking for Key Values in Your Partner
Throughout life we may come across many people we are physically attracted to. But a successful marriage is built on a strong foundation of mutual effort, shared values, and a vision of direction. Our values change with age too, chances are, they could vary a lot in our twenties, thirties, and forties! Your initial attraction leading to the first few conversations with the potential partner could result in anything. Everything takes preparation, even a relationship.
You can only take into your relationship the same lifestyle the way you live your life as a single person. When you get this, it should inspire you to make the necessary changes if you want a meaningful connection. It starts with effective communication, good conflict management, setting the right boundaries, etc. depending on the type of person you want. When you are becoming this person, your partner shall appear.
We can have many blocks keeping us from our desired relationship, one of the biggest, fear of failure and disappointment. Most of us have been heartbroken earlier which leaves us with a question mark, what if your next relationship is not working out either? Never let your past pain and betrayal make you cynical about love! There is always a way to get better results if you are willing to go for it!
Endnote
One of the hardest lessons can be to learn to walk away from people we still have feelings for, knowing they are not good for us, to get what we deserve. Even if we have been through a lot, life doesn’t seem to be fair at all, and we are heartbroken about it… When we realize this was the toughest life lesson, only to take a leap and lead us to an amazing soul connection, we will wonder what kept us under our standard for so long.
